Honesty

I know its been a hot minute. I didn't want to write anymore, and didn't want to spend time on it.

When I first thought about writing a blog it was for health reasons. I hate my body most days. But i love food waaaaaay more. That being said, I could/need/should loose about 20-25lbs to get back to my 'wedding' weight.

Honestly: earlier this year i went to my doctor to talk about my anxiety. Something that may not physically manifest all the time, but i feel emotionally quiet a bit. My weight came up at that meeting. I had a follow up with a nutritionist. Which was all fine and well, mostly things i already knew. But i LIKE pizza and beer, mkay!?

My doc put me on anti depressants for the anxiety. They were...ok. By the end of this summer, i was done, i didnt feel any different. In the same week i decided to no longer take the prescription, i sat down with my spouse and told him some Hard Truths:

I hate my body, most days.
I cant imagine that you'd ever want me.
nothing i own fits right.
i never have anything to wear because of this. 

Things along those lines.
#1 thing i did was go buy some damn shorts. I had none that fit. and INSTEAD of constantly punishing myself for not getting into older clothes i just needed something practical that fit.
#2 thing i did, was admit some more hard truths:

I have not been 100% dedicated to eating right = 0% effective in weight loss
I have not been 100% dedicated in drinking less = waaaaaaaaay more fun had for me! 
I need to love myself REGARDLESS of what STAGE i am at in my body

I have some vicious white hair coming in, my eyes are baggy, my bones snap and pop, im getting closer to 30 everyday. You know what, THAT'S COOL! I have had a lot of life to live, so far! And i will say a lot of the pressure i feel about my looks comes from society, social medias, Hollywood, BUT i create that standard in my head from those, its me and my responsiblity.

So i quit some meds, i bought some clothes that fit, i told my spouse i needed support and reassurance in our eating/drinking decisions.

Fast forward just over a month later. I have felt better than i have in a long time. I am focusing on my experiences and having a good time, and choosing things i want to do and who i want to do them with. That's not to say i have had some anxiety moments, i have had two social situations, and one really bad time at Menards.

This is NOT A FREE PASS out of the staying healthy in my life. Yes, i need to stop eating a half gallon of ice cream every weekend. (frowny face) Or binge-ing on pizza just because its there. Moderation! Right now, I need to BE OK.

Honestly: I want to work on my house and enjoy it. 
Honestly: that takes up a great deal of time and energy. Read: late nights do not equal able bodies at 5am gym club time.
Honestly: i do NOT need a beer every night after working on the house or project :) even if I like it.
Honestly: yeah i still hate a candid of me working where you can see my huge gut.

But Honestly, the whole reason i wanted a house, was to work on it. And i spent most of the last year resenting that i never had time or energy. IT TAKES TIME AND ENERGY to be weigh-loss-healthy i.e. food prep, planing, shopping, gym time, research (lifting), class times at not ideal times.

I am ok. I am happy. I had more fun eating all the fried things for a whole day at the state fair than i did all month! And I'm ok with that.

Yes, i want to start running again. Read: when the fall actually comes
Yes, i want to get back into a gym routine.
Yes, i want to work on my house.
Yes, i want to LIVE LIFE.
Yes, i want to LOVE LIFE.

And, yes, I can do All of those things at any WEIGHT/SIZE! So why did i spend so much time being so unhappy??


this is just something that has been on my mind for a while and i wanted to put out there. its a bit cheesy, its a bit long winded. it may seem like a cop out. so let me say this: you do you, man. I'll do me. And right now, this is me, and I, personally, need to be on board with that.

Goals review

Ok my goals this week / what actually happened:

Monday: BodyPump, stretch hourly / Done

Tuesday: cardio, core / Cardio Dreamill Only

Wednesday: BodyPump, foam roller / Done and foam rollered EERRADAY!

Thursday: cardio, foam roller, core / Elliptical, see above, no core

Friday: BodyPump, stretch hourly / Fail!

So getting back made me realize how much I had lost! Sooooo sore! I rollered ever night. And stretched lots.

We've had a late night week.

Basketball loss at 10:30 midweek

Running forum lastnight

Soooo excuses, but I'm trying to LISTEN TO MY BODY the year. 

And after another struggling to sleep night, when 4:30 am arrived my body told me I needed sleep! 

We slept!

Tomorrow SPIN at 8am!

A coworker invited me, so I'm makin up for BodyPump!

Everyone needs rest, but we are attempting to finish our bathroom this weekend. I have Monday off. Fingers crossed!

Fitness challenge

I'm in over my head and I've only done day one!

I stalk follow Brew Mama and Fab Chick on instagram and the blog land.
And i LOVED Alicia's amazing results!

But for real? day 1 is 50 squats!? Um.... hi...... maybe 30???

I am off on my days already. I did Day 1 today.
and it sucked.
But i have the image saved from instagram and i am just gonna try to remind myself that...

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Well i have a million Christmas Traditions to read about today, because there is a nifty link up going on. Since I am waaaaay to into Christmas, i have already done this post, here it is!
I'll leave you with a picture of my In-Laws...

Shiney New YMCA

Running Saturday: 1 min walk 6 mins run x3.
Went well. Felt good. No pain.

It was after taking a class at the Y.

MISTAKE, now im really sore and worried i have re-injuried myself. so im tryign to rest...

So about two weeks ago T-Dubs and I joined the new SHINEY YMCA near where we live.

We had a $20/month membership at a local 'gym' that basically just had equipment. Honestly they didnt even have a good area to stretch. but we werent that serious about working out. so whatever.

We've been 5amclubbers since January.
So we joined the 'cool' gym.

I say cool, because we see SOOOO many people there we know from church, or famous people from chruch. :)

Last week we tried swimming in the pools, huge fail.

We have to try that at a non peak time.

Then Saturday we tried Boby Pump by Les Mills?

CRAZY! AWESOME! I can barely walk and i fall into every chair. :)

here are two of my favorite features of this gym:

This makes sooooo much sense.

no eye contact ever, with anyone on theses. ever.

They have a TINY little track inside which is so nice. not good for long distances but with my training runs being pretty small still. this is a really nice feature for me

Friday husband and i went to watch the Fightin Illini beat Iowa in the assembly hall! I love some good volleyball.



Breakfast, always.

I always eat breakfast.

In fact, when I was first married the only food I could make was breakfast food!
this is my standard morning;

Yes i own a 1980s egg poacher, dont hate. its awesome.

Occasionally i have quick oats with fruit in it, or the apple sauce my husband made.

I was chatting with some g/f lastnight and was surprised how many of them dont eat breakfast.

And they all range in fitness level and weights, from that bean pole friend that could never wiegh 100lbs if she tried. to the jolly green giant friend that is actually 6 feet tall. We are at ranging weights and sizes, kids to plus sizes. I guess it just surprised me that all ranges didnt eat breakfast. Maybe i always assumed i was heavier because i eat a hearty breakfast.

Breakfast is fuel.

It wakes me up for my day.
It also makes me not be starving for lunch at 10 am
I am a food person i love food.
i also love sleep so i totally understand the sleep-extra-20-mins-vs-breakfast.

BUT, that 20 mins or so to make and eat my real breakfast really helps me prepare for the day.

thanksinternet

Its not for everyone.

But i read a lot of health and fitness, books, mags, interentings, and i rarely see anyone neglect breakfast.
Just saying.

I love breakfast.

You should too.

Whats your favorite breakfast food to eat or make? What is your go to breakfast?

Not my best

I knew it would happen eventually.

I would have a training run that wasn't great.

I still stretch and roll my leg before work outs

And I put heat on it after leg day or runs

me, post gym.

soooo today was 1 min walk 4 mins run TIMES 4!!!
Which is more than i have been doing the last two weeks. i have only been running 3 sets.
as instructed.
Well when my interval went off for # 4 i was doggin it.
tired. burnt out. my leg felt bothersome. i quit two minutes in.

series of events happened that put me here:

running late - i hate that.

lifted, then went to run outside, packed my FAVORITE JACKET.

this jacket then got all kinds of jacked up on the zipper

then my husband made it worse - bless him, he was just trying to help
double late to getting into my run in time.
random people on the indoor track running in the middle.
ok, here is my thing, the track is tiny, you can see everyone on it. if you know you are slow move over. you know you are about to get passed why must you be in the middle. so then there was that.
then, my terrible fourth set...
late leaving the gym while i am trying to make sure i stretch

so needless to say it wasnt the greatest run.
but its done.
This is NORMAL.
I know that, this is typical for running.
BUT, my mind keeps saying i should be able to go run 5 miles today.
and i can't.
i just need to take a step back and be grateful and take each day, run, as it comes.

tomorrow: arms, core
thrusday: legs, run: 1 min walk, 5 min run x3
friday: arms, core
saturday: maybe try a spin class (?), run: 1 min walk, 6 min run x3

Follow up Friday

This week I've been MIA.

I got cold like symptoms on Monday and Tuesday.

But never got the cold. thank the lord.

heres the updated.

Monday we joined our local YMCA. Pictures to come soon.

We love it. Nice. New.

Group fitness, pools, and an indoor track.

Got cracking on the bathroom again.

Plastic is hung.

I have a Michael Bryne Tiling book from the library that suggests lining it with assfault felt.

Thats next on the list.

It only took us an hour to locate the water shut off for the house.

Aaaahhhhh we are sad new homeowners :)

I RAN
And I completed my first week back in therapy approved training runs!!

This was my week 1. And actually i didnt follow this 100%.

i did Run 1 - all last week.

So this week Run 1 & 2 were both actually 2, and then Run 3 was this morning.

Runners high and beyond.

I sweat.

My feet hit the floor/treadmill.

I am pushing  myself.

I crank my tunes!

Jay-Z. Always.

It has seriously been amazing.

I have been soooooo DOWN.

Depressed doesnt even cover the range of emotions.

Maybe more like Manic Depressive.

I totally understand how hard it is to be positive during an injury.

Not being about to get my heart rate up in a way i enjoy, and really sweat it out.

I quit 30DS mostly because I had a priated copy on my lap top and it died sunday.

Its hard to put into words how running makes me feel.

Strong.

Confident.

Invinceible.

Able.

Its that feeling of pushing one foot in front of the other.

When my lungs burn, my sides have stitches, i want to quit but keep going.

This training program is slooooooowwww.

But i am hopeful that it will get back to higher milage (for me thats anything above 2 miles).

without any injuries.

Rocking Robin FINALLY RUNS

Day 8 of 30DS

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OHHHHHH MAN!
This bisch right here, is killing me.
Level 1, Day 8, with 22 days to go.
I am resting on weekends because i am usually very active.
I am adding this 30 mins on top of my normal strength training at #5amclub.

I AM STARVING ALL THE TIME NOW! :(
Which is really disappointing because it means i am not losing weight because i am eating tons all the time.
On Arm Day (MWF) i can barely come home and do the pushups.
Also i don't have weights, i have cans that i use.

I am hating her. I sort of cant wait for Level 2.
As i have never been there before.
But I am also just deflated by all my poor eating.
I also wanna kick this challenge in the BOOTY!
I wanna do 30 days (w/ rest days in there) and hit all LEVELS!

Goals
(now till monday)
plan meals for the rest of the week and weekend.
Shred tomorrow and then on Saturday morning.
Run one minute outside tomorrow (leg day). I ran for 1 minute yesterday on the dreadmill.
BIGGEST GOAL I NEED TO MAKE HAPPEN: Stop drinking beer.

I am going to attempt to clean up my poor drinking for the rest of the month.
Except for the 11th, my birthday. :)

22 days left, 22 days left, 22 days left...

September Goals

It's true and its time.

Amber is doing this button sorta challenge this month.

So here go some September goals.

 

1. Track all weigh ins. Gain or Loss

This isn't a huge deal but should be doable. It helps me stay focused and encourages me to plan my meals and eat healthy.

 

2. Do 30DS 5 days a week.

This will be my first time EVER completing this stupid ass shit. But i joined a fb group and other ladies are doing it. so i should also be able to do it.

 

3. Try easing into a lite jog

This will be more difficult. With my leg, i am not only fearful but overly cautious on fixing the problem on recreating it. So light jogs to work on. I also just want to go on more walks. Hubs and I used to walk all the time, and i think that helped us keep the weight off, plus it encouraged us to NOT drink. But their are evil bugs in our yard that bite us all the time. MidWest chiggers? They suck and make me not want to go outside.

 

4. Do NOT EVER give up. And eat bad ALL DAY!

New me. New meal at every meal. Old me would trash a whole day or two and gain a ton of weight. If i have a snack attack or eat something bad, fine. Shake that off.

 

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I choose who i want to be.
Time to get it. And i know it will require sacrifices like beer, but if i want it as bad as i complain about it, i just need to make it happen.

Kayaking & Gymnastics in one week!

I tried TWO new fitness related things in one week!
Who am I? Where is the girl that needs structure and plans?
The girl that NEVER goes outside her comfort level??

I got invited to a 10 mile kayak trip with one person i knew.

IT. WAS. AHHMAZING!

Typically i prefer a canoe. So my first time kayaking ever and i loved it.

the water was a little low, so i got a serious are work out.

plus i got tan, not burned! woop!

(i am in the grey racer back and baseball hat)

NATURE. GOOOLAY!

Ok, so i love being outside and in nature so this was great. a bit long and we did not have enough water but i was a blast.

LAST NIGHT!

I got invited to 'try' a gymnastics class.

To say i was scared was an understatement.

I have never been flexible or strong, or had good balance.

Plus new things tend to make me really anxious.

It was pretty fun though i was stressed the entire time.

I have no balance still, when i jump on the trampoline track i feel really unsteady, and i did lifts on the bar.

I had a huge NSV though.

As we were stretching together, they did a bridge.

first, i had to ask, then when they showed me. (its like a back bend, lay flat on back, then lift your belly up from your hands and feet).

terror, ive been here all of 5 minutes and they already expect me to do something i cant...

I quietly said "umm i've never been able to do that" - true story, never in high school or yoga in college.

The coach come over, "ill give you a spot, just try"

deep breathe

BAM! i popped right up.

Now i didnt hold it for long.

BUT I HAVE NEVEREVER done this before in my life!!

HUGE NON SCALE VICOTRY!

As for the class, not sure if ill sign up. its 8 week (including last night) and $120. And I am 100% sure i will miss one class. so its a little pricey.

....but part of me feels like i need to push myself outside my comfort levels to really enjoy myself.

advice? Should i do it? its alot of money for us. it doesnt bother my leg which is great.

What should i do?

Bum leg and new goals

SOooooo My MRI was clean.
No breaks, fractures, splints, or muscle tears.

Doctor McSportsMed (see above) assured me that this was good news.

Here was my list of tings:

my muscle and leg are tight, and i need to work it out

im going to experience some pain.

I need to push a VERY LITTLE 1-3 on a scaled to 1-10 pain.

I never want pain the following day.

um...pretty sure thats how i got in this mess

Flexibility.
Need I say more? I'm not flexible.
Apparently i need to get flexible.
yoga? stretching for more time? no classes nearby, so that sucks.

No more PT
thankyousweetbabyjeasus

continue core and strength on my own

ok no biggie was already doing this before

Continue with mild cardio.

SLOWLY increase or use resistance.

Always listen to my body, remember the pain scale.

No running.
....hmmmm. ok so i use the elliptical with no resistance right now.
so we are gonna try a little resistance next week.

T-Dubs and i are going to do a half mile walk, we did 1.25 the other day and i hurt the next day

I am done with doctors which is nice, for me and my wallet.
until i get the MRI bill AUGH!
So i took this week off, ordered pizza, drank soda, at Cheetos and combos.

GOALS

Back to meal prep, planning, no booze buying.
5AmClub weekdays
Try hitting up the gym on lunch to walk or elliptical.

A Note to Pre-MRI Self

Yes, things i wish i had known BEFORE having my MRI. In letter form to myself.

pic

This is not at my location just a photo. its almost 6 feet deep. if i had gone in head first i would have freaked out.

Robin,

You are most defiantly claustrophobic.
Next time the offer sedation TAKE IT.
NEVER schedule this first thing in the morning, always at the end of the day.
if you cant get a time you want, take the day off. you will be fracked up for the rest of the day you wont know what hit you.
when the tech says 'we are gonna go just a little further' dont whimper out loud. embarrassing.
crying is ok.
no really, crying is ok.
they give you a 'get me outta here' button thingy.
This is much more than a 15 minute X-Ray (50 minutes later).
You will not use the button but you will CONSTANTLY imagine clawing your way out, resulting in hyperventilating.
you will almost faint, twice.
just breathe.

the machine itself MOVES, they dont tell you that, and it will scare the shiznat out of you when it does.

ask if they let spouses come and talk to you while you are in there. i know thats something they only do in the movies, but hey if they say yes, it will help worlds.

Deep breaths.

dont be afraid to ask T-Dubs to come with you. 

You are so grateful to see him sitting in the waiting room when you are done and can barely keep it together.
do not listen to your mothers voice in your head.

this procedure isnt a big deal, just like getting a shot, but it is still scary as hell and thats ok. its ok to be terrified.

trying to hold still for over 45 minutes is like trying not to eat a bowl of ice cream in front of you. ADD much?
You'll cry more than once. its still ok.

its ok to think about that one episode of greys where they cant get the fat chick in the MRI, but ultimately that will lead you down the thought process of your own body inside touching the walls.

deep breaths.

It does end eventually.

comfort food is just that, comfort food. and ultimately it wont make your day better.

with regards,

post-MRI-self

Facing fears

Tried to do my hair after my allotted time today.

So side swipe is what you get.

Last week I told my physical therapist that i quit.

emotionally i can no longer stand it, i can't seem to rebound the awful mood/depression it puts me in.

Physical therapy, costs way too much, i can do everything on my EXCEPT the shock thing that i dont think does anything anyways, and i have to go during WORK. I can no longer sacrifice my work time. Sorry, I have a full time job that i actually have to be at.

When i told her i was pretty much over it, she of said it was time to see an actual doctor.

...wait. Soooooo when im primary told me to come here, she thought you could fix it. Now that its been since the end of May, you are telling me i should see a doctor in sports medicine that, i dunno, SPECIALIZES in injuries? WHY fortheloveofcheese did i not do this FIRST?

That was my reaction last week.

Today is the day.

Anything could happen.

I emotionally drank and ate last night becauseimafatty

and now im in a foul mood.

but really.

I am terrified.

i have dumped my bad days on this blog before. complained, felt sorry for myself, etc. its been hard to not be running.

running is my passion.

its also how i keep on track.

i have pretty much yo-yo in weight since i quit running.

but now, i am just straight up scared.

what if i cant ever run again? what if im stuck with this horrible body forever? what if i cant loose the weight? what if i cant ever eat healthy enough? what if? what if?

Honesty.

i want to be 100% up front on here and in my own life, day to day.

whether its on days that i want to whine and feel sorry for myself for eating huge portions of pasta, or happy days full of fun and love with my better half.

Today, I am scared.

However, i want answers, i want resolution, i want to be RUNNING.

in case you dont know: last winter i trained for a 5K-10K challenge at the end of April. 5K on friday night and 10K on Saturday morning. About 5 weeks before race day my leg really started to hurt. This was the first time i had ever done cross training or run farther than a 5K. Lunges and Squats were my cross training, and i am convinced this is when i straining my groin muscle. It sounds stupid but it HURT. so much that if i moved wrong while sleeping i would wake with so much pain i was medicating. I pushed through, tried new stretches, stopped doing lunges and squats because it aggravated it. Raced. itwasaweful. took 5 weeks "off" went to my doctor and got referred to physical therapy in the end of May.

Weekly Goals back at it!

Back at it for sure. Been on and off. But i am ready to be on!!

ITS ON!

LIKE DONKEY KONG!

1. FINALLY take a picture for #fitstagram

I love love love following Sassy Ash and Jess from OSJ fit camps. I need to let these camps help me, not make me feel like i am not doing enough. I weighed in real quick this morning and im up less than half a pound. So i count that as a win. So this week i wanna get some snap shots of my mornings getting my sweat on!

2. Finish demoing the bathroom.

dontfreakout. seriously wet drywall is never a good sign. but i seem to have removed most of it. now i just have to manage to get the real drywall out in a decent way. notice i am using the word "drywall" incase you didnt know, you are NOT supposed to use drywall in bathrooms or behind tile. fun tims.

Soooooo many things wrong in this picture (like the MDF board!)

3. Eat right and stay off the couch this week.

we have awesome double date plan on thrusday. So i need to get shit done at the beginning of the week and not veg in front of the tv. my folks arrive friday morning sometime.

This happened but it was worth it. Bells two hearted.

Weekly Goals 7/29

If you saw on Friday T-Dubs had his wisdom teeth surgically removed.
Gross. Double Gross.
I don't do blood, I almost barfed twice changing his gauze.
Poor guy though he is in pretty rough shape.

Soooooo we had one of the first appointments in the morning.
Got home, set him all up to relax.
I walk downstairs and there was some water on my floors....
....no.nononononono! this can't be happening to me.

yeah, when we bought this house the upstairs/main bath had busted tile and we assumed The Classy Sellers were still using it and letting water just go into the walls. we had thought we would demo this bathroom. We want to try to do it ourselves but i don't have a lot of the tools to install a new bath/shower. Anyways, back to the water.

i pulled off the access panel and sure enough my spiget was all drenched in the wall.
fantastic.

This is the real problem, the tile needs to be removed and redone.

and because the tile 'falling' the pipe is now tooooo long for the faucet

Causing this GAP! Where water gets into the walls. Fabulous.

Lucky for me i found a pretty quick and cheap solution.

This fancy ($3) ring took up the space and i needed and i filllllllled it with bathroom sealer (caulk)

1. Finish filling holes in the walls and sand them down. Basement, master bed room and refill in the living room.

2. I will STOP eating the same thing as T-Dubs. He has been living off of ice cream, pudding, yogurt, and Velveeta cheese in shells. STOP IT ROBIN JUST STOP!

3. I will not drink during this week. This is soooooooo difficult in the hot summer months, but it cooled off for a few days. Honestly, all clean eating starts here. And when i COULD run it was much easier to not drink. Since starting physical therapy, I've been a little bit of an emotional roller coaster, which means i need a drink a lot more often.

4. I will clean the house. Seriously there is soooooo much more to clean than a 2 bedroom apartment, it takes FOREVER! But its gross especially with all the sanding, so i need to do a thorough clean after #1! :)

T-Dubs wisdom

Poor hubby has his wisdom teeth done today.

I feel for him.

Pray for a quick recovery.

Happy Friday everyone!

Also Friday is my new weight in.

SW 183.2 over a week ago

And today this, so some progress

I'll take loss where I can get it!

4Kottez

First off, I love Mel over at 4 Kottez.
And her last two blog posts made me cry.
mostly because i feel like i can relate in a lot of different ways.
i am terrified of discussing real things like my weight on here.
i live in fear of people judging me (but they doesnt make anyone stop judging me)

But her words are just great.
And so true.
I hope you can read it and really get as much out of it as I did.

Loves to Mel! :)
I secretly hope my leg will heal soon and i can run a race with her! :) EEK!

Weigh In

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running

This is one of the best online comics to begin with but this running one=amazingness!
Read it Now!

For anyone who has ever run this is awesome!

Booooo yoyo!!

I'm only up .2 lbs. 

you might wonder why I'm mad?

I've been weighing 3 times a week MWF

And by Friday I can usually be down to 181 or 180.

Then the weekend hits.

We leave on Friday for NYC.

I have planned healthy snacks for the way out.

I just wanna survive getting back after a Bach party in the city.

PT update:

I moved out into the play room, and boy did we play. Good times. Feel good!

You weighted squats people are CRAZY!

On a serious note:

I joined Jess @ Operation Skinny Jeans for a private challenge.

I'm effing scared.

I've never lost my weight.

I've never even liked my body. much less love it

And I don't think I can succeed.

Annnnnd I have to do before and after pictures......

I'm scared.

But, I'm sick of feeling like this. 

I've been working my ass off since February.

I know I don't eat clean enough.

So here goes nothing.

I am nervous just thinking about it.

But i am sending my measurements and pictures to her today.

I want change.

I already do the gym 5 days a week at 5am.

I am already in the mindset to change my life. my body.

i am ready.

Shits about to get real.

Weigh In/Bad Day/PT update

Ahhhh the awesome yo-yo stag.
2-3lbs from 180-183.
This is where i was a month ago.

Gotta focus up and get past this.

I was 181 last week. Also Truth Gun, I am weighing in about 3 times a week :( but i swear its helping me make better choices!

PT Update:
Finally we are starting strength

I have tight/knotted/inflamed muscles on the inside of my right thigh.

The strength we did was core!

Booooo!

I hate crunches.

Plus I'm awful at core.

Which is why I'm prolly beer gut 100% of the time.

So we take this little ball and hold it between your knees or legs and have to do stuff with it.

Yeah I suck.

Core sucks.

Maybe having to do it will help me like it?

This is my new PT, Amy.

Shes cool and a lot more intense and ready to go!

I like! Heal me up! I'm ready to run!

Back to the jenky shock machine I used on my first day.

Yesterday at work was awful.

More so than usual. Usually i love my job.

Not so much as of late.

Anything that could wrong did, computer failure, system wipe all my data, pdf error = attachment fail to all the officers, on and on and on! :)

I have the best husband, he knows the way to my heart beer gut.

I came home to this! Murica, Amen.