Friday, September 19, 2014

Free Hutch Make Over

We found this beauty on the side of the road, next to a vacant house.

And we took it! It was VERY beat up. Broken selves, drawers and hinges! The hinges were the toughest part to figure out. 
This became my 'fun project' as other things on the house slowed or i got stuck, i got to work on this gem and get my first REAL experience with trying to make something look old.

But first the HORRID varnish had to go. We spent a few hours here and there for about 2 months sanding. like i said this was just a fun project, no goals!

We decide this would go in our kitchen (which is a post for another day with money we don't have). So White was the ultimate goal. We love/use Benjamin Moore paints. Our white is White Wisp. And it nice and dull and subtle. After apartment life the last thing we wanted was any GLOWING whites in our home.

So i did some PINTEREST research. You can catch my various pins over here on my pinterest boards. I was pretty worried about staining anything. 20/20 hindsight my friends. So i took some extra paint and did layers. Then the white as the final color and sanded back down to the colors. Now i think it came out ok, but it was WAY more work than it should have been to sand down to the color.

Also BM paints are amazing so the bonded together... and i could not get most of the brown look i wanted. But oh well! Fun project, remember. The method of multi paint layers and sanding involves one major thing. LOTS OF SANDING! 

But our fun project came long! It already houses a bunch of "pantry" like stuff for us. I love the hard ware too. Its all the same except the hinges. It really needs new drawer slides, but i think thats going to be a project for another day :) 

And yes that is our shot glass collection across the top. We like it. It serves us very well right now. PLUS it was FREE! I had to buy one small can of brown paint, and sand paper, and a new piece of ply for the shelves inside. Which i can always add more. This thing is HEAVY solid wood, it was a great find, and it was (mostly) fun to do!! Experience, knowledge... 


Friday, September 5, 2014


I know its been a hot minute. I didn't want to write anymore, and didn't want to spend time on it.

When I first thought about writing a blog it was for health reasons. I hate my body most days. But i love food waaaaaay more. That being said, I could/need/should loose about 20-25lbs to get back to my 'wedding' weight.

Honestly: earlier this year i went to my doctor to talk about my anxiety. Something that may not physically manifest all the time, but i feel emotionally quiet a bit. My weight came up at that meeting. I had a follow up with a nutritionist. Which was all fine and well, mostly things i already knew. But i LIKE pizza and beer, mkay!?

My doc put me on anti depressants for the anxiety. They were...ok. By the end of this summer, i was done, i didnt feel any different. In the same week i decided to no longer take the prescription, i sat down with my spouse and told him some Hard Truths:

I hate my body, most days.
I cant imagine that you'd ever want me.
nothing i own fits right.
i never have anything to wear because of this. 

Things along those lines.
#1 thing i did was go buy some damn shorts. I had none that fit. and INSTEAD of constantly punishing myself for not getting into older clothes i just needed something practical that fit.
#2 thing i did, was admit some more hard truths:

I have not been 100% dedicated to eating right = 0% effective in weight loss
I have not been 100% dedicated in drinking less = waaaaaaaaay more fun had for me! 
I need to love myself REGARDLESS of what STAGE i am at in my body

I have some vicious white hair coming in, my eyes are baggy, my bones snap and pop, im getting closer to 30 everyday. You know what, THAT'S COOL! I have had a lot of life to live, so far! And i will say a lot of the pressure i feel about my looks comes from society, social medias, Hollywood, BUT i create that standard in my head from those, its me and my responsiblity.

So i quit some meds, i bought some clothes that fit, i told my spouse i needed support and reassurance in our eating/drinking decisions.

Fast forward just over a month later. I have felt better than i have in a long time. I am focusing on my experiences and having a good time, and choosing things i want to do and who i want to do them with. That's not to say i have had some anxiety moments, i have had two social situations, and one really bad time at Menards.

This is NOT A FREE PASS out of the staying healthy in my life. Yes, i need to stop eating a half gallon of ice cream every weekend. (frowny face) Or binge-ing on pizza just because its there. Moderation! Right now, I need to BE OK.

Honestly: I want to work on my house and enjoy it. 
Honestly: that takes up a great deal of time and energy. Read: late nights do not equal able bodies at 5am gym club time.
Honestly: i do NOT need a beer every night after working on the house or project :) even if I like it.
Honestly: yeah i still hate a candid of me working where you can see my huge gut.

But Honestly, the whole reason i wanted a house, was to work on it. And i spent most of the last year resenting that i never had time or energy. IT TAKES TIME AND ENERGY to be weigh-loss-healthy i.e. food prep, planing, shopping, gym time, research (lifting), class times at not ideal times.

I am ok. I am happy. I had more fun eating all the fried things for a whole day at the state fair than i did all month! And I'm ok with that.

Yes, i want to start running again. Read: when the fall actually comes
Yes, i want to get back into a gym routine.
Yes, i want to work on my house.
Yes, i want to LIVE LIFE.
Yes, i want to LOVE LIFE.

And, yes, I can do All of those things at any WEIGHT/SIZE! So why did i spend so much time being so unhappy??

this is just something that has been on my mind for a while and i wanted to put out there. its a bit cheesy, its a bit long winded. it may seem like a cop out. so let me say this: you do you, man. I'll do me. And right now, this is me, and I, personally, need to be on board with that.